More Than
by Ellie 5192
Summary: Jibbs. Ignoring the fact that she'd broken his heart, he had been seeing someone else and she was his boss, what would a relationship have been like? Really? Slight rating for slight language/minor situations. Inner musings and continuation for JD.
1. Revelations

Inspired by the video "Do You Remember?"- A Jibbs video on . It's not really related, but that's where I got the inspiration. I don't own the show, and I didn't create the video… I'm just a huge fan! This is my first NCIS fic.

Slight rating for slight language.

MASSIVE DRIBBLE

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Ignoring the fact that she'd broken his heart, he had been seeing someone else and she was his boss, what would a relationship have been like? Really?

If they were to throw the inhibitions out the window, and really there weren't many to throw anyway, what they be like together? They knew what would be gained- they'd had it once, many moons ago.

But what would be lost?

Would they banter the same, tease the same, flirt the same? Or would it become more sterile, the need to keep things 'professional' overriding the need to have a laugh?

Would they be more tender? Perhaps.

Their relationship was good now, sweet and fun and just a little bit sad. She loved him, that she was sure, and she was pretty certain he felt the same. Saying "No" when she had just stepped back into his life had been hard, but that look, the fleeting look of sadness had told her that underneath the light-hearted offer there had been something else- hope.

He was hoping she would say yes, which surprised her. She had left him, called them off, put on the brakes before they'd really even started.

She'd hurt him. She didn't deserve his love after all these years. She didn't know why he felt the same, and she certainly didn't know why her own stomach had done back flips. Back flips, not knots. It wasn't guilt, it was that funny feeling inside when the cute boy looked at you… because the boy was looking at her like he wanted to kiss her senseless, and she knew how that felt.

She was grateful that he still wanted her- but she was also relieved. After all these years she wasn't the only one who still thought about them. She knew that, if someone looked at the right time, at just the right moment, they would see her looking at him with love, a small smile on her face.

And he did the same, she knew. She could always feel his eyes on her, and sometimes she even caught him out. But they only ever shared a look- never words.

She loved him, no doubt.

Would they change if she told him that?

Now she thought about it, probably not. They already shared looks that said "I'm annoyed", "I'm amused", "I'm picturing you naked". That certainly wouldn't change. And he had risked his life to save her, again, by sitting in the boot of a car, so that wouldn't change either.

And he was the only one who knew her different types of angry. There was the "I'm angry, but I need to talk to you"- most people stayed away with that one, mistaking it for "I want to be left alone". Not him- he sat with her until she spilled her guts.

Then there was the "I'm so angry I could cry", and he always pulled her into a hug so she could do just that. Nobody except Abby hugged her without asking first.

And then there was the infamous "Don't come near me" angry. Everyone assumed that this type was the talking one, and they tried to get her to talk until she snapped and they got the hint. He was nowhere to be found with this one. Then, just as it was easing into the talking angry, he showed up. Right on time, without fail. He'd just show up and stay quiet until she was calm enough to spill it. Nobody knew her that well- nobody.

He didn't run for the hills when her job was brought into the conversation like most guys she knew. And he cared about her enough to fight with her when she was in a bad mood, and smile when she stormed off in a huff. Then he'd show up in her study, pour himself a bourbon and sit in the chair opposite her as a way of showing her she was forgiven for yelling in the elevator. He actually liked it when she was a smart-ass, and talked back and showed her backbone. She could show her humour with him- laugh, back-chat, quip. He never took it the wrong way- he never took it personal if the barb was directed at him.

And that was the thing. She was in love with a man who knew her better than she knew herself. He knew just what to say before she even realised she wanted him to say it.

And that scared her. Ignoring the fact that they had one hell of a past, that fact alone scared her into running the other way. Or at least being super scared.

Which counted, because the thing that would change would be the kind of love. They weren't the people from years ago… they had both experienced more now- they had both loved and lost.

And they weren't in Paris. That was the big one.

It's not just that it's the City of Love that sweeps you off your feet… it's that they couldn't afford to pretend that they were the young lovers that was their cover. They were in the real world now. Could they be those people in the real world?

Were they even those people in the first place?

She knew the answer to that one- she knew him just as well as he knew her. She knew his pissed, his hurting, his guilty and his contented. She used to know his happy, and his playful. Maybe they hadn't changed so much.

At the end of the day, they were meant for each other. All the boxes ticked when you looked at the cold hard facts.

She loved him then and she loved him now, and something about the way he looked at her told her he felt the same.

Screw the fear. The fear didn't deserve to win. If she told him… they would both be thinking of Paris…

She wanted more than just Paris.

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I know- aweful. Should I continue?

Read and review.


	2. Revealed

**A/N:** Okay. So the number of people who didn't think this completely sucked suggested that I should continue… Thank you to all those who reviewed- It's very much appreciated! I was very confused as to how I should expand. In keeping with cannon, I decided to leave things as they are…

KIDDING! Character development is all cannon until Judgement Day, because we all know the writers made a little boo-boo there… AU from Judgement Day onwards. I didn't think it was right for the characters to change their relationship throughout the show itself… but Judgement Day needed a face-lift.

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He ran down the corridor at full speed towards the post-op room, not in a panic but desperate to see her. He had just got the news… she was alive. She was shot twice and had lost an unbelievable amount of blood… but she was alive.

_What were you thinking Jen?_

If Tony and Ziva had been a few more minutes they would have been too late. She would be gone, and he would have been left to bury her. He'd been held up at the crime scene of his own accord, making sure every possible thing was documented… and Franks had been given a talking to. He did a little half-jog to the nurses station.

"Jenny Shepherd?" he said urgently, his voice betraying the seemingly calm exterior.

"Sir, are you family?"

"Yes, I'm her husband"

He didn't even think about it. The answer came out after only a half beat to think. The amount of times he'd seen people stonewalled because they weren't family was unbelievable, and he needed to see her. Besides, if they needed any kind of proof, he'd just tell them about the mole that only a lover or doctor would see… that would shut them up.

The nurse typed methodically on her computer.

"She's just out of surgery now Sir. You can go in, but she'll still be out of it. Room 213" she said, pointing left.

Gibbs nodded his thanks and walked to the room. He could see her under the eerie hospital light. She was pale as a ghost, an I.V line hooked up along with another pint of blood. He could see the bulge of bandages under the cover. She looked peacefully still, but Gibbs could see the life under her skin. The heart monitor beeped steadily and her breathing was shallow and constant.

She was alive.

Pulling his chair up next to her bed, he took one of her hands and placed a kiss on her knuckles. They'd experienced near-death before, many times… but nothing compared to this. She had flat-lined on the way to the hospital, they had told him, from loss of blood. The bullet had done what it was designed to do- ripped her insides to pieces. There would be intense physiotherapy ahead- soreness and perhaps some unforseen side effects from all the damage. She would have to live with half a liver and one kidney, and they had been forced to perform a hysterectomy.

Gibbs didn't care about any of that. She was alive, and she was going to be okay.

Gibbs had been trying to make her see the light about them, but knowing how she was he had resigned himself to the fact that he should accept the status quo. She didn't say she wanted a relationship with him, but she also didn't push him away when he brought dinner to her office… or helped himself to her bourbon. That had to mean something.

It did to him.

He knew, the moment he turned around and saw her after all those years sitting in MTAC, he knew he was still in love with her. He always was. She was his equal in every way, and from the moment they met, he never intimidated her. That's what he loved about her- she stood her ground, even against him.

And he had almost lost her. Again. Only this time for good.

He didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but the next thing he knew there was a hand on his shoulder.

"Jethro"

Opening his eyes he looked up at his old friend.

"Hey Duck" he greeted quietly. Although he knew she would be unconscious for some time, he whispered.

"How is she?" asked Ducky, clearly upset that his friend was in such a state.

"Doctors say she should make a full recovery…" he started to explain as Ducky picked up her file to see the results for himself "but the next 24 hours will tell us more. She's touch-and-go status until then"

Ducky was nodding, agreeing with that risk assessment having read the file.

"Jethro…"

"Duck" he said, cutting him off. "What's going on?"

For a moment Ducky looked as though he was going to play dumb.

"I see the two of you talking, but neither of you talk about it in front of me, which tells me it must be serious. And it must be something bad, because Jen wouldn't do things sub rosa unless she had to"

Ducky had slowly admitted defeat and was now nodding, ready to tell him the truth.

"She's dying Jethro" he said sadly, crushed that he had broken Jenny's trust, but even more upset that they were going to lose her after only just getting her back from the brink of death.

To the outsider, Gibbs' face didn't change, except for a flick of his eyebrow. But to those who knew him, he was crushed. It took a moment for the news to sink in. He looked to Ducky, who nodded sadly, almost close to tears. He looked at Jenny, whose injuries still posed a threat.

"How?" he asked, barely a whisper.

"Most likely muscular dystrophy, or something similar. There was an increase in an enzyme which points to it" Ducky took a moment "Her mother died of the same thing"

Gibbs was slightly shaking his head unconsciously.

"I take it she knows?" Gibbs asked, looking again at Jenny.

"Yes. She always knew she was in the high-risk category," said Ducky as he sat in the low chair on the other side of her bed "She came to me after she lost her grip on a coffee mug one day. I told her that one incident of muscle weakness doesn't point to death, but given her family history I was persuaded to run some tests"

"She always was persistent" said Gibbs absently.

"That she was" said Ducky, with a smile. He turned serious again "I knew something was wrong when she told me exactly what markers to look for. She's been expecting this for some time, I'd imagine"

"How long?" asked Gibbs, his voice cracking.

"I beg your pardon?" asked Ducky, shaken from his reverie.

"How long does she have?" Gibbs asked again, more certain this time.

"It's hard to say. Since she didn't present symptoms in childhood, hers is not classed as a severe case. However, her mother presented at around this same age, and… she only had several years"

Gibbs looked at Ducky.

"I would say, in this case, perhaps a few years. Four… five"

Gibbs nodded, becoming more and more devastated with each piece of information, but needing to know everything. "Will she be in pain?" Gibbs asked, his voice again breaking with emotion.

Ducky hesitated before answering. "Yes"

Gibbs gave a sound that was between a contained sob and a scoff.

"Not at first, but after a time, the symptoms will become worse. For the moment she has no trouble at all, as you could see" He hesitated before going on, not wanting to get Gibbs' hopes up "She may have longer than that. And her pain can be drastically reduced by regular exercise and, later, physical therapy. It's hard to say"

Gibbs knew he was trying to cheer him up. He knew that Ducky was only ever acting out of love for his friends in doing so.

"But she'll die"

"Yes, Jethro… eventually she will. I won't lie- it will be a trying time towards the end. For both of you"

Gibbs looked up sharply. Ducky had a rather neutral look on his face. He hadn't let on until then that he knew of Gibbs' intentions, but they had all been friends for so long that it was only a matter of time. Ducky knew that, regardless of her fate, Gibbs had the intention of telling her exactly how he felt. He had from the moment he walked into the hospital. This had been the last straw- and it wasn't a small one either. It was very likely that Jenny could have died that day. Technically she did in the ambulance, and again on the operating table according to the file. She may not have been facing this future at all, and while Ducky couldn't deny that perhaps that may have been merciful in the long run regarding her physical condition, his friends deserved this time together.

Ducky gave Gibbs a knowing look, and Gibbs admitted defeat by looking away.

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Wow! That's a long one. But don't worry, there's more. Promise. Let me know if you wanna see it!! :D


	3. For Granted

Thank you to those who review- It's great to get the feed-back! I don't know how far I'll go with his story, so any suggestions would be great!

Also, there's a ton of rules quoted here... I'm good, but I'm not that good! :p I got them all from this site: .com/folk/gibbsrules/

I don't own or run this site, nor am I affiliated with it in any way. All credit goes to the person who owns it. But it was a great help here when verifying the rules…

As always, I don't anything to do with the show. Enjoy!

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It was another day before she stirred. She was groggy and confused. All she knew was she shouldn't be here. She saw them- they outnumbered her, there were guns everywhere, BANG, BANG, BANG… She felt her own flesh tear. She knew she fell to the floor…

This was not heaven. There was a constant, rhythmic beep in her head, and her leg was itchy from the fabric on it.

She tried to open her eyes, but it was too bright. Her ears and eyes weren't working properly.

Then there was another feeling. There was warmth in her hand. It wasn't covered in goose bumps like the rest of her. Her fingers flicked as her brain woke up her limbs and extremities, making her aware of something covering her hand. She let out a small groan as she tried to swallow.

"Jen?"

That voice. She knew that voice. She loved that voice.

"Jen, can you hear me?"

Jethro. It was Jethro. What was he doing here? He can't be here… he's in danger here… Gibbs, get out…

She groaned again.

"Jen, you're okay. You're in the hospital"

The hospital? What was she doing in a…

Oh! She didn't die! She wasn't dead. She made it out. But how? There were so many of them, and there was just little old her.

"You're okay. Don't try to move" she heard him say gently. She could hear other voices far away. They were calling. 'She's awake, doctor' they were saying.

She knew that voice too- Bird, Duck- Ducky! It was Ducky.

She opened her eyes then, hoping to make more sense of the scene. This time the lights weren't so bright. She opened her eyes fully and they were greeted with a pair of blue eyes looking tired and relieved.

She groaned, deeper and deliberately this time, and reached her hand up to her face. Only, one was taken- was being held. Now she understood- he was holding it. She looked back at him, focusing her eyes this time and forcing her mind out of the fog.

"Jethro" she croaked. And It was a croak. She didn't sound that bad the morning after her 21st !

He sighed and smiled- a full smile, not just a little grin. "Hey"

"Hey"

She managed a smile back.

"Ah, my dear. It truly is wonderful to see you're awake"

She turned her head and gave a smile to her friend. And then frowned.

"How…?"

"Do you make it out? Well, you were most fortunate that young Anthony insisted on tracking you down. We got you just in the nick of time"

She nodded. Ducky broke off to talk to the doctor, who was aware that both men in the room would be taking care of her. So far, all the relevant medical information had been relayed to Ducky, and all the personal details had been passed onto Gibbs.

She looked to Gibbs, who had taken a seat next to her bed and hadn't let go of her hand. He smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. Satisfied that she had enough answers for the moment Jen settled back into her pillows and went back to sleep.

_Three days later…_

Having spent two more days in the local hospital, Jen had been air lifted to D.C where she could be closer to those back home. Gibbs had not left her side, and slept only when she did.

Sitting up and watching late-night television, Jen looked over to him. He was sitting in his usual position next to her bed, eyes drooping.

"Go home, Jethro"

He looked up at her.

"You haven't been home since we got here. Go get a good nights sleep"

He grinned at her and settled himself deeper into his chair.

She scoffed at him. "You can be so God-damn stubborn sometimes, you know that?"

"Yep"

She admitted defeat and settled into her pillows.

"Why didn't you tell me Jen?"

She looked at him, then looked down guiltily.

"Which part?" she asked with a sad grin. There were many things she hadn't told him lately.

"All of it. You didn't kill her years ago, you went there to finish it now…" he hesitated "You're sick"

She looked up. She knew Ducky must have spoken to him, and her suspicions were now confirmed- he knew her secret.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She sighed. "They were after you, Jethro. I wasn't going to risk you getting hurt by having you come and save me. And as for the original mission- I don't know. I screwed up, I know that much, but… I just screwed up. This was my chance to make it right. I could cover up my mistake… and save you. They were coming for you next"

"Jen…" he sighed, annoyed and a little flattered at the same time.

"I know. Never go without back-up- Rule 14"

"And rule 3- Never be unreachable. 15- Always work as a team. Oh, and lets not forget Rule number 1" He looked pointedly at her.

"Never screw over your partner" she said, smiling.

He sat back into the deep chair, satisfied that she'd been taught her lesson.

"I thought I was the exception" she said with a grin. He looked a little indignant. She continued, "I distinctly remember rule 12- Never date a co-worker"

He tried to cover a grin at that. He would never admit that he liked it when she openly mocked him. "And rule 4" she added, looking pointedly at him. "I was keeping my secret to myself"

"You still should have told me"

"I know. And I'm sorry. But… it's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission" she said, a soft smile on her face.

He grinned and looked down. "Rule 18" he muttered. She grinned. He had taught her well, and he was very impressed that she was able to throw his rules back in his face, even if it did mean he lost the battle.

"Jen…" he said hesitantly. He was looking for a way to say what he wanted to say.

"Jethro" she said softly, encouraging him to continue.

He looked at her, and she was shocked to see the sadness and fear there. Then she remembered being in the hospital after he was almost blown to smithereens, and she understood. She'd almost died the other day. She was still in hospital because of her injuries. This wasn't just a minor boo-boo… this was literally life or death, and had she not made it he would have been left to pick up the pieces… again.

"Jen, this status quo… it's…"

"I know" she said. And she did. She knew that she didn't have all that long left, and she wanted to make the most of it.

She flicked her wrist, the movement so small that had he not been avoiding her gaze he wouldn't have seen it. He got up and sat on the side of her bed next to her hip. They looked at each other for a moment, and she cupped his cheek. She studied his face, something she had often caught herself doing when he wasn't looking. Her hand came to rest against his neck, her thumb at the base of his ear. Being upright, she bent slightly forwards, but not enough to hurt her stomach, and he did the same. Their kiss was light and chaste when compared to previous kisses they'd shared but they both pulled back with a smile. He took her hand and held it, tracing her palm with unknown patterns.

"From now on" he said. "Rule number 8 is the most important"

He looked up and met her eyes with a gaze so intense she knew he was serious. She smiled. "Never take anything for granted?"

He nodded. He had her back, but their time had a limit, and he'd be damned if he was going to waste it.


	4. Living Arrangements

First of all, thank you to all my reviewers! You're all very kind. I know how much effort it is to push the little button, wait for it to load yadda yadda when all you wanna do is read the next story, so to those who take the time, I really and truly appreciate it. _TomorrowNeverCame, aserene_ and _MissJayne_- Thank you for your constant support. _Emeilia-Rose_… thank you. That's very kind of you to say. _Bella_… Thanks so much- I had already written some of the third chapter, so I'm sorry if future uploads aren't so quick.

Watch out for slight language- no more than would be seen in the show. I hope you like the next installment. One thing I can't stand is a fic that starts out strong and gets stupid towards the end, so if you see mine headed in that direction, please let me know! :D

As always, drop me a line, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter…

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It was another two days before the hospital was ready to release Jenny. Although normally she would have insisted she leave earlier, given that she had yet to talk to Gibbs about where she would be staying, she relished the extra time. Since their little talk nothing big had changed between them- they still flirted the same, still talked the same, still argued the same. True, they now shared in a goodnight and good morning kiss, which was coupled with some flirty looks and a smirk or two… but other than that it was business as usual.

The morning she was set to be released Jenny felt uneasy. She knew, deep down, that if she went back to his place to rest and recuperate, she wouldn't leave. And she had a sneaky suspicion that if he came back to her place to look after her, and she asked him to stay, he would.

Not that she minded. In fact, she rather liked the idea.

But how would he react? She had told him to go once- did he really want to risk that again? Because, in all honesty, she could be a bitch when she was pissed off. Never at the office, but when she threw a fit, it was always a big one. And Jethro always did have a way of sending her into a fit.

Her inner deliberations were cut short by the arrival of the travel party. Although Ziva and McGee had to stay back at the office, Abby, Tony and Ducky had joined Gibbs in seeing her off form the hospital.

"Jenny!!!" cried Abby as they rounded the corner. The younger woman ran straight for her and stopped right in front of her wheelchair. Being careful of any injuries she embraced Jen in a fierce hug. "I'm so glad your coming home. I hate hospitals"

"I'm glad to be going home, Abby"

As Abby stood back Jenny caught Tony lurking in the background, clearly still upset with himself for not protecting her to the best of his abilities. Though Jenny had spoken to him only the day before and assured him that it was his quick thinking that kept her alive at the scene, he was still guilt ridden.

He stepped forward and took her outstretched hand, squeezing it more than shaking it. She squeezed back, saying thank you and trying to get him to stop feeling guilty. She could only imagine what state he would have been in had she died, and she didn't like the mental image one bit.

"Ready?" asked Gibbs, standing just behind Abby.

Jenny nodded. She desperately wanted to talk to him about her living arrangements first, but not in front of an audience.

They all got into two cars, and again Jenny found they weren't alone. Insisting Jen has the back seat, Ducky sat in the front, jabbering away. It was when Gibbs made a right- instead taking the left towards her place- that she got suspicious. She was about to ask him about it when she caught his smirking eyes in the rear-view mirror.

"No way in hell you're staying in a place with that many stairs until you're better" he said, not needing to hear the question.

Ducky looked over to him, obviously expecting that he would have told her, but kept quiet, a smirk playing at him features. He had seen these two when they were deeply in love all those years ago, and he knew that the seemingly simple gesture of Jenny staying at his house was just a way to get her to move in with him. Or at least put the idea on the table.

Jen didn't question him, happy that he had made the decision so that she didn't have to. She settled back into the seat and watched the neighbourhood go by, thinking quite unashamedly about how she could keep her place even if she didn't live in it, and how much of her stuff would need to be moved to his house. She even dared to think that maybe, some day, they would be married.

But that was a dangerous thought. After all, it's not as though Gibbs had saved marriage especially for "The One", and she didn't have all that much time to wait for a proposal.

Before long they were at his house, and despite the fact she felt strong enough to get out of the car by herself, Gibbs insisted on helping her, and continued to hold her waist until she was seated on his couch. Ducky had very graciously carried her few belongings inside, and without any guidance placed them just inside the door of Gibbs' room. Jenny decided she wouldn't blush at that, knowing that Ducky was their closest friend.

After saying goodbye to Jen and giving her a parting kiss on the cheek, Ducky was escorted to the door by Gibbs who thanked him for his help.

"Well…" he said, walking back into the living room and sitting in the chair opposite her.

"Yes. Well" she replied, smirking slightly.

"Jen…"

As usual, she waited until he had gathered the words and the courage to say what he wanted to say. Finally, though, she saved him from his misery.

"I think I'm going to like living here" she said with a smile.

"Even compared to your antique townhouse?" he asked, a twinge of doubt in his tone.

"Well, I can adapt. Besides, you sacrifice some things to gain others"

Though her tone was relatively flippant, he could tell she was dead serious.

He got up from his armchair and walked to her, squatting in front of her. Taking her hand, he just held it and studied it. She watched the top of his head and with her other hand ran her fingers through his hair. He kissed her wrist, then got up and sat next to her, puling her into him, mindful of the injuries. She wrapped her arms around his middle, and his arms encircled her shoulders. He kissed her hair, placing his cheek on the same spot.

"I love you, Jen" he said quietly.

I was the first time he had said it since they were in Paris, and although she knew all along that it must be true, to here it again made her want to cry.

"I always have" he whispered into her hair.

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I know- very short. I'm sorry. I'm back at school after a week off, so my time is limited. I will try to stay on this story though! Please leave some feedback.


	5. Burdens That Allow Us to Fly

Again, a big thank you to all my readers and reviewers… I really and truly appreciate your wonderful reviews.

I know that the last chapter was a little bit short and somewhat unresolved, so I hope there's some resolution here. Also, I wanted this chapter to have something a bit lighter. We've had some very deep and meaningful chapters… so now it's time for a short interval... sought of.

Also, any Bones fans might recognise me as a thief- I'm sorry for that, but that was the best writing and I could never hope to recreate something that awesome! I don't own Bones either…

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"I love you"

He looked up sharply, his mouth still chewing his noodles, chopsticks mid-air on their way back to the bowl.

She had said it so casually that he really wasn't expecting it. Giving her own chopsticks a casual flick accompanied by a small shrug of her shoulder, she continued.

"I've been thinking… since I got here I haven't said it… not once. You have, but every time I go to say it you beat me to it… and quite frankly it was starting to annoy"

"So why didn't you just say it back?" he asked, the few strands of noodles still in his mouth now pushed to one side.

"Because, as I just said, every time you beat me to it, and then…"

She looked down to her food for a second, suddenly coy.

"Jen…" he encouraged, an all-out grin on his face.

"Well…" she drawled, tilting her head and looking far above his shoulder. "I don't want to mess the moment" she finally said, meeting his eye.

He smiled and gave a chuckle. Then he laughed. An actual laugh.

"Oh, shut up" she said with her own matching grin.

"Ruin the moment, Jen?" he asked incredulously. "What are you, fifteen?"

She smirked, trying to look indignant, and threw her napkin at him.

"I'm serious", she said again, once his laughter had calmed down. "You say it… and I don't want to sound cheesy for returning it"

He gave her an amused look.

"I _want _to say it back… really. I just…"

"Wanna do it on your own terms" he said with a grin.

"Yeah" she said.

"Jen… this might surprise you, but I've known you like to do things on your own terms for quite some time now" he said with a grin, a hint of sadness coming through.

She looked at him in a way that made their situation come crashing down around their ears. The last few days had been bliss, work taking a backburner so that Jenny could rest and recuperate. Gibbs had worked only the mandatory hours, and Jenny had been assured that, when she was ready, she could return to work until work was no longer an option for her physically. Her wounds were healing nicely and it seemed her return would be in a month or so, not including the correspondence that would occur until then. But still there was the thought that even if they didn't drive each other crazy in the mean time, she would leave him again sooner than either of them wanted.

She was going to die.

It was the first time Gibbs had allowed himself to think the words since Ducky had first told him of her condition. He was filled with grief, knowing better than most what pain he would be in after.

_At least this time I'll get to say good-bye_ he thought.

There was a change in the air- both of them felt it.

Wordlessly he got up and went to her side of the table, knelt in front of her and hugged her tight.

"I'm sorry" he said into her hair. And he was- he was sorry for the comment, for her situation, for not being able to do anything to help her.

She didn't say anything.

He pulled away and looked at her for a moment.

"Don't!" she said quietly, sharply.

He gave a look.

"Don't look at me like I've already got one foot in the grave! I'm here. And for the moment I'm not going anywhere"

His features seemed to soften at her resolve.

"But if you look at me like that one more time then I might just have to walk out that door between then and now" she continued.

He drew in a breath at that thought.

"Everyone else is going to treat me like I'm made of china, so you have to keep me sane! You have to keep me grounded and put me back in my box when the sympathy starts to go to my head. You can't do that if you're treating me like everyone else will…"

She was very close to tears, but her anger and determination had kept them in. He too had watery eyes, but there was no chance they would fall.

Her tone had died off, and she looked down at her hands, suddenly unsure of herself and where she was going with this.

"Jen…" he started, knowing exactly what she was trying to say. "You won't look weak to me"

She looked up sharply, surprised and overjoyed that he knew exactly how to voice what she couldn't.

"You are… one of the strongest people I know. I've ever known. And I'm not saying that it's going to make this any easier… but it sure will help me to not feel guilty for yelling at your big head"

And like that, the tension dissipated. She laughed and he smiled, and suddenly the thing which they had been fearing the most- her impending death- seemed a lifetime away; another world altogether. It wasn't here with them anymore- it was a problem for the future, like thinking about grey hair and arthritis when you're twenty.

He hugged her again, kissing the top of her head. Then, pulling away, he kissed her soundly on the lips.

They finished their meal with conversation about Tony and Ziva's latest argument over who would win in a fist fight- Indiana Jones or Hans Solo. Ziva had mistaken Indi for the state.

Gibbs cleared the table as Jenny watched with a smile, enjoying the last of her tea. She smiled over her cup, watching as he did the dishes in the sink, and thought back to the days when they would do this after a passionate night, the low Paris sky-line peaking out of the window of their small, one room apartment.

And then another thought occurred to her. In another life- a life before her, and NCIS- he may have done this for another woman. Their child may have been sitting just in the next room, or be fast asleep down the hall. And Jenny realised that the two of them probably would not have that. They couldn't have that. And that made her sad for a moment, not because she was dying now, but because she wasn't dying then. She knew long ago that leaving him had been her biggest mistake, but it now occurred to her that Paris- that which she had been hopelessly grasping at these past few days- could not be revived. Things would never go back to the way they were then, because they were such different people. They had lived different lives apart for so many years; had seen people and done things and had friends that they hadn't tried to hook up.

Now she was sitting at his dining table watching him do the dishes, waiting to go sleep in his bed so she could wake in the morning and eat his cereal. Their completely separate lives were converging into one; a single life shared.

And oh, how her life had changed. She could feel that she was no longer the person she was all those years ago, true, but she was also very different to the woman she was a week ago. Even an hour ago. With each passing moment they spent together she changed a little bit more.

He felt it too. He had laughed more in the last three days than in the previous three years. But he was also more scared than he'd ever been in his life. The threat was not tangible here- it couldn't be beaten with logic or a gun.

This time the threat was self-imposed. It was the unbearable burden of opening yourself up to someone completely- of putting your personal happiness completely in his or her hands. He'd truly done it twice in his life- he'd fallen head over heals in love, and had been crushed both times. But he was not bitter about it, because that was the risk. That was the weight you take on- the load you bear when you open yourself completely. You know that, if you succeed, you will lift higher than you've ever been, which means the fall could be that much greater.

And although he knew that he was setting himself up for another fall in years to come, it was Jenny they were talking about. He had never stopped loving her, and he had time now to show her that.

jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibs

There will be more to follow straight away- it was going to be part of this chapter, but this one turned into some philosophical discussion, so I'll just write it as the next one… but it's like Pt 2, rather than it's own chapter… I'm rambling.


	6. That's Where It Is

This chapter continues directly on from the last. I know it's been done before, but I had to have a chapter involving Gibbs' basement, his boats and the all-important drink of bourbon… but I don't care- I'm doing it too! *grin

There is a soundtrack for this chapter- "That's where it is" by Carrie Underwood. Cheesy and corny, but the cutest love song in my library.

**Jibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbs**

She had woken up only an hour after falling asleep to find he had disappeared from the bed. Smiling to herself she took one guess as to where he was, given his phone and badge were still on the dresser near the door.

She got up slowly, careful of her side, and walked downstairs to the door of the basement. She hovered at the top step. Jen watched as he worked on his boat, looking as though he had always been there, his muscles moving methodically to a built-in rhythm.

"Are you gonna come down or stand up there all night?" he asked, not looking up from the sanding he was doing.

She smiled to herself.

"Well, the view is kind of nice from up here" she replied to his back, watching as he bent down lower to pick up a different sanding block.

He grinned and turned around to face her identical expression.

"I thought you were asleep"

"I was" was her simple reply.

She walked down the stairs slowly, watching as he deposited a tool on his bench and took a sip of bourbon from a jar. By the time he had finished taking a drink and had put it down she had come up behind him. He turned around and smiled at her, then dipped is head and kissed her soundly. Since she was on medication, she wasn't allowed to have their famous bourbon. But kissing him now she could still taste it one his tongue, and it made her smile.

It was for this exact reason that he had taken the drink in the first place.

He leaned back against the bench and watched as she took his abandoned sanding block and proceeded to sand just along from where he was when she walked in. Although she wasn't destroying his boat, not by a long shot, he walked over and started to guide her hands from behind. She leaned back against his chest.

"I feel like Demi Moore" she said.

He laughed and kissed her neck, then rubbed one hand up and down her arm before wrapping it across her shoulders.

"No Swayze moves, Jethro?" she asked, sounding slightly amused but highly contented.

"Nope" he said into her neck, giving it a lingering feather of a kiss.

"Well, if you're not going to seduce me, I'm going to go to bed"

He let out a huff of amusement. They untangled themselves.

"I can't, Jen" he said.

She looked at him questioningly.

"Seduce you"

She giggled.

"I wish I could, believe me I've got all the moves figured out in my head…"

She was laughing at him, and she hit him lightly on the chest, making him finally give up the serious façade and laugh with her. Their laughter quieted together.

"I'm serious. If I could, I would"

"Well then, aren't you lucky I've got healing stitches?"

"Lucky?"

She grinned, almost evilly. They started towards the stairs together.

"A very good lesson in self control, maybe" he said.

"Well, I'm sure you could use your imagination"

"Trust me, memory will do"

She blushed, and laughed, and tried to ignore the way his voice lowered when he said that. It seemed she was not the only one with a very sharp memory.

They returned to the bedroom, and Jenny got into bed while Gibbs changed. She watched him the whole time, her head propped on her hand, her elbow digging into her pillow.

"Stop staring, Jen"

"I can't help it. It's staring material"

He rolled his eyes at her and crawled onto the bed next to her. Her head fell onto the pillow and his arm went around her waist gently. She clasped his hand in hers against her chest and kissed his knuckles.

Both of them knew that somewhere in their breathing and settling sighs, there was _I love you_.

She had never felt so content than when she was with him like this. True, the sex had been fantastic, and there was a certain pleasure in winning an argument with him. But the little things, the things that she'd taken for granted in the past, were the moments she loved the most. The late nights when, uninvited, he would bring her dinner… or when he would leave the last half of his coffee for her in MTAC, because he knew she'd been up all night.

Or this. There was nothing flirtatious or suggestive in his embrace- no other motive, or even obligation. He did it because, that's what they did. They moved around each other like water- always touching but always smooth; never hindering- unless that was the intent.

Thinking back to when she would sit in her Brownstone and think of them together, Jen realised that her fantasies had been very close to the truth. They still flirted, they still bantered, and they still did googly eyes to each other now and then. It pleased her to think that she predicted so accurately. It showed that they truly did know each other well.

"Will you stop thinking already?" he mumbled.

She smiled and snuggled further into the blankets, sleep taking over in a few short minutes.

_jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs jibbs __jibs_

Sorry- that was total fluff. It will come back to normal in chapters to come… I don't think I'm going to do much more 'domestic' fluff until later- it's time for some real world chapters…

And if anyone has any scenes they'd like to see or any suggestions for plot twists, give us a buzz… I'm always open to ideas :D


	7. Back To Business

A/N: I have been severely reprimanded for apologising about fluff, so I shall no longer apologise if the chapter turns to goo, as my stories so often do.

I am terribly sorry for the long update- it's the last week before holidays (2 WHOLE WEEKS PEOPLE!!!!!!) so my teachers are digging up all those last minute pieces of work for us… makes for little fic-writing time.

As always, a huge big thank you to my reviewers- I read every one, and I am so thankful for the feedback- it really makes my day…

_Jibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbs_

After a month, Jen was pulling her hair out. Her days consisted of eating, doing a couple of hours of exercises for her injuries and, occasionally, answering any questions Leon had about NCIS administration. Beyond that, she was immobile, her social life consisting of a few visits from her physical therapist and her beloved colleagues. She couldn't go for a morning run to burn off her energy because her doctor had forbidden any strenuous activity (despite her insistence that she had suffered worse, in worse heat, and had been running two days later).

However, possibly the worst punishment was the forbidden fruit who shared her bed. Or, more accurately, whose bed she was sharing. And by sharing, she meant sleeping. And by sleeping she meant actually sleeping.

Apparently any of 'those' activities were also strenuous activities.

But now, after a month and a week off duty, she was finally ready to go back to work part time. She had worked out a schedule with Cynthia and Leon, which ensured she was there for the important administration things, while they dealt with the day-to-day stuff.

Jen couldn't have been happier to be entering the Navy Yard.

She took the elevator to her floor and greeted Cynthia with a grin.

"Good morning, Director" she said warmly.

"Good morning Cynthia. What have you got for me?"

"SecNav will be online in about an hour. MTAC will call. Assistant Director Vance had some transfer forms he needed your signature for. I put them on your desk. I have cleared the afternoon, so you can have an early first day, and Agent Gibbs said, and I quote, 'Don't go out for lunch, I'll bring you something'. That's all I got so far"

Jen was very proud of her assistant for being so organised.

"Thank you Cynthia" she said with a smile, unsure of what else she could possibly say.

Cynthia gave a respectful nod before going back to her computer screen.

Jen entered her office, closed the door, and sat contently in her chair. She had worked very hard to earn her chair, and as much as she despised herself for hurting Jethro to get it, she couldn't deny the swell of satisfaction in her belly. This was _her_ office. She had worked harder than most, she had put in the time and effort, and she had constantly outdone even the men, proving herself worthy of this office. That was something to be proud of.

Breaking out of her moment, she opened her draw, got out her pen and opened the first manila folder on her desk that was waiting for the signature of the Director of NCIS.

As usual, just as she was about to touch the nib to the page, her door opened without warning.

She sighed, and gave a half smile to herself, placing the pen down and finally looking up.

"Jethro" she said, a hint of a question in her tone.

"Jen" he nodded.

They hadn't seen each other that morning. He had been called in early, and she was starting late, so their paths had not crossed.

"How may I help you?" she asked with a grin "Is this a personal visit, or do I have to be the Director for this conversation?"

"Both"

She sat back in her chair as he continued straight on.

"I need your go ahead to monitor Petty Officer Andrews' cell and home phone"

"I thought you already were" she asked, eyebrows slightly furrowed, aware that McGee would have run a few traces without her consent.

"I need the full deal this time"

"You can't trace him?" she asked, pleased to see he didn't even try to deny the unauthorised traces.

"McGee had some trouble pinpointing a location with his cell. Some sought of encryption. I need access to his home number and I need recordings of all his conversations"

"Which means you need some equipment" she finished.

He gave a slight nod.

"So you can't just go do your own thing this time" she added, smirking at him.

He shook his head with a grin, shuffling his feat as he so often did.

She looked down to her papers. "Okay"

She looked up.

"Do it. I will inform the tech department that McGee will be relieving them of however many supplies he needs"

He moved to walk out.

"Jethro?"

He turned back.

"What was the personal message?" she asked with a grin.

He gave that wide-eyed, innocent expression for a beat.

"Good morning"

And then he was gone, the door shut quietly behind him, the beginnings of a smile on his face. She gave a half laugh in the direction of the door. He hadn't given his usual sentiments to her that morning, choosing to leave her sleeping.

She picked up the phone and dialled the tech department, immediately informing them of the situation and assuring them that Agent McGee would take very god care of their equipment.

_Just over an hour later…_

Jen walked out of MTAC with authority, her head held high. SecNav had been quite adamant that her office would remain hers for as long as she wanted it. She would never admit it, but since her illness had become public knowledge, she had been worried about the security of her position. Although she was a natural leader and a perfectly capable Director, if news of her condition became public knowledge, her credibility could potentially be shot down by those who wanted her big, fluffy chair.

Plus, she was worried her boss would see her as a liability. A dying Director? That made for great publicity for NCIS.

But Jen wasn't worried. SecNav hadn't even really mentioned it, choosing to focus on business and her present injuries. But in the brief look he gave, her fears subsided.

For now, as long as she was physically sound, the job would remain hers.

Walking along the balcony overlooking the bullpen, she noticed Gibbs' team working hard at their desks, but their leader was suspiciously absent. Looking up she noticed the elevator opening and, lo and behold, he stepped out, a white take-away bag in his hand. He gestured with his head towards her office and she gave an imperceptible nod.

And she was just starting to notice her hunger, too.

Sitting in their usual position on her couches, they dishes out the food, moving around each other easily.

"Found Andrews" he said.

"Yeah?"

He chewed for a moment. "In a dumpster"

She tried to cover a snort. It was clear that Gibbs wasn't too cut up about the man's death.

"What happened?" she asked with a vague smile, reaching her hand out to try and steal a snow pea sitting on top of his dish. He whacked her cutlery away with his own and stabbed it, taking a small bit before dumping it on her plate. She gave him a look. Sometimes she was amazed that the hard-ass interrogator could be such a child.

"Turns out his squad-mate was running drugs from offshore"

"You knew that already"

"Well, yeah… but we didn't know Andrews was the one who started it"

"Andrews was the leader? I thought he was the one who squealed"

"He did- after his friend was killed"

"Did he do it? Because his friend was taking some off the top?"

"Nope- friend got caught in the middle. Killer thought the friend was Andrews"

"So Andrews was the intended victim?"

"Yep. Looks like the pissed off customer found the right guy this time though"

"Same guy?"

"Yep"

Jen nodded. They'd find the guy. Angry drug addicts didn't stay under the radar for long. They continued to eat for a while.

"So…" started Gibbs, finishing his mouthful. "How's your first day back?"

"Good so far. Leon's kept things together for me"

He nodded.

"SecNav assured me the job was still mine"

"Good" he said. Like her, he knew the cost of her getting to the top, but he also knew _her _very well. She was proud of her position, and the job was important to her. He was glad she was still there.

Suddenly Tony came bursting through the open door.

"Jen…- Sorry boss, I didn't know you… I should... uh…"

"DiNozzo, spit it out" he said, pretending to be annoyed. Jen could see he wasn't. Tony, too, seemed unaffected by his tone, years of experience behind him.

"We got the guy- the killer. He's downstairs"

"Good"

When Gibbs made no move to get up, Tony looked between them, realising the domestic scene he had interrupted.

"You gonna come… and… you know…"

He gestured vaguely, comically, downstairs expecting Gibbs would want to interrogate.

"You do it" he said dismissively.

"Me?"

"Yes, DiNozzo, you"

"By myself?"

"Well, if you don't want to, get McGee to do it"

"No… that's fine. I'll do it. Uh… thanks?"

Tony left before Gibbs could change his mind, confused to say the least. Rarely did Gibbs let them fly solo. Excited, Tony decided to leave the questions about their lunch date for later.

"That was very nice of you", said Jen with a smirk.

"I'm a nice guy", replied Gibbs with a grin and a shrug of his shoulder.

Jen gave a huff of amusement and went back to her lunch.

_One month later…_

"Yes. I understand… No, thank you doctor… I'm sure he will. Thanks, bye"

Hanging up the phone Jen all but punched the air in victory. Finally her doctor had given her the go-ahead to start running again, convinced that her injuries were sufficiently healed and the regular exercise would be good for her.

Which meant that, finally, she could engage in other activities that had been forbidden until now.

Forcing herself to concentrate on work, Jen thought of all the ways she could seduce Gibbs that night, her day suddenly brighter than it had been ten minutes ago.

_JIBBSJIBBSJIBBS_

I know… very work-related. Don't worry. The next one will be… much less about work.


	8. For The Rest Of My Life

Two in a day!!!!!!

A/N: WARNING- Sexual things. Nothing too graphic, but be warned. Probably, like, T. Yes, we'll go with that, just to be safe.

Oh- I'm a thief again. I just watched Phenomenon and bawled, and had to steal a line form it… sorry… I'm so unoriginal :P .

_jibbs_

Gibbs was not a man prone to restraint. He usually did what he wanted, when he wanted, and most people knew not to hold him back.

Needless to say, these past few weeks had been quite a challenge for him. Having the woman he loved dangling in front of him and knowing he couldn't do anything for fear of hurting her was the most trying test of his patience he'd ever endured. Knowing they were now back together, and being unable to show her exactly how much he had missed her, frustrated him beyond belief.

So when he arrived home that night he was preparing himself for another battle- the battle of wills. Because he had to stop himself from pushing her against the door and having his way with her when she welcomed him home with a kiss.

But this day was different. He arrived home very late to find the lights were still on. Usually if a case ran late she would go to bed and leave the outside and hall lights on for him. Shrugging off his coat and kicking off his shoes, he checked the living room. Looking around, he expected her to come out from the kitchen, perhaps and drink in hand. When she didn't he figured she might have fallen asleep reading. He turned off the lights on the lounge and the kitchen before heading back into the hall. Going to the bedroom he could see that she was indeed reading, but she wasn't asleep.

He swallowed.

She was wearing that little violet number that went high on her thigh and low on her chest. She was on top of the blankets, one leg bent up, pillows fluffed behind her.

For once her reading material was a book and not a case file.

"You know, going naked would be as big a test as you sitting like that", he said as he stripped off his top layer, leaving his white undershirt and boxers.

She looked up at him over her glasses, and grinned. He could have sworn there was a hint of something in that grin, but he couldn't pinpoint what it was.

He got a little suspicious when she made no comment about his self-control, but he let it go. Crawling across the bed to her from his side, he stopped just short of her mouth and grinned.

"Hi" he said.

"Hi yourself" she said before he kissed her soundly.

Just as he was about to break off the kiss she leaned further in. The broke for a moment and then continued more passionately than they'd allowed themselves until then. Gibbs was surprised. Usually she never pushed further, clearly struggling just as much as he did when it came to… such things. But today she wasn't holding back, and that left Gibbs with one answer- she had the all clear from the doctor. She wouldn't be kissing him like this if she didn't.

He rolled so that he was underneath her, never breaking the kiss as his hands went up and down her body. She had one hand cupping his jaw, the other in his hair.

It had been so long since they had been in this position- metaphorically and literally- but neither took any notice. It was as if they had never parted, the only difference being the pace. Jethro was still very much aware of her stomach, and he traced her scar with one hand, feeling it and memorising it, seeing it in his mind.

They rolled again, and now Jen felt him over her, his weight supported with one hand while the other continued to explore. Jen moaned low in her throat. It had been so long since she'd been with someone even before her little field trip. His hands roaming her body set her alight, her skin that much more sensitive after so long.

They continued to move over each other slowly, sensually, remembering what the other liked without even having to think. Their clothes were removed one at a time.

Before long they were both naked and, as he searched her face and finally met her eyes, he pushed himself inside her. She groaned with pleasure and something else, and wrapped her legs around him.

He continued to move slowly, kissing her neck, shoulder, cheek. When she was ready she started to pick up the pace. They rolled on the bed, giving each other the chance to take control, just as they had done all those years ago. But neither was ready yet for the passion of Paris. Instead they focussed on maintaining the satisfaction, on pleasuring the other, rather than sending them over the edge.

Jen was now very happy that she had exercised so regularly, focussed on building muscle strength.

When they reached their peak, the pace finally sending them both over the edge, they lay lightly panting in each others arms, the doona thrown over then haphazardly. She was lying with her back against his side, his arm coming around her neck and shoulders. Just as sleep was taking over he felt her smile against his arm.

"What?" he asked lightly.

She gave a hint of a laugh. "You still got it" she said huskily.

He gave a light chuckle and she rolled over, resting her hand in the crook of his arm. He kissed the top of her head and she kissed his chest before looking up to him.

"Love you" she said.

He pulled her closer. "Love you more"

She smiled and rested her chin on him, continuing to look at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Will you love me for the rest of my life?" she asked straightforwardly, knowing what his answer would be, but wanting to hear it anyway.

"No" he started, looking serious. And she looked confused, knowing there was more.

"I'll love you for the rest of mine"


	9. A Funny Feeling

Sorry for the massive wait…

I kind of had it in my head that I was just gonna leave it there, but then I had a dream where (this next story point) happens, and I realised there were a lot of unanswered questions in my story… So I decided it wasn't finished and I had to write a bit more…

Updates will be few and far between- I've got two weeks of high school left ever, and I've got exams before then and now… basically my entire immediate future rests on the next couple of weeks… Anyway, enough from me…

As always read and review

_Jibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbsjibbjibbs_

Jen had that feeling again… the one she got in the Czech Republic… the one she got the night she screwed up in Paris… the one she got before entering that diner. It was the feeling that said this day would not end well.

These days the feeling was limited to those days when she had to report to SecNav about Gibbs' antics, but it was never this bad. There was tightness to her shoulders that wouldn't go away, and butterflies rested in her stomach. She couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching her.

Surprisingly, she managed to go half the day before Gibbs noticed something was wrong. He walked into her office, unannounced as usual, and stopped.

"You okay?" he said, clearly having forgotten his real reason for waltzing into the room.

"Huh?" replied Jenny, obviously not quick enough to hide her troubled expression.

"I said" he started, slower. "Are you okay?"

Normally she would have dismissed him, but given she was busted anyway (judging by the stare he was giving her) and she really was put off by the familiar, unwelcome feeling in her gut, she decided to spill.

She sighed, and thought about how to explain to the man famous for using his gut, that she had a 'creepy feeling'. Meanwhile he had closed the door and pulled up a chair to the other side of the desk.

"I dunno…" she started. When she didn't go on he prompted her again.

"Jen? What is it?"

"It's just… I have this feeling"

He gave her a look.

"Like Czech Republic, Paris… Decker"

Realisation dawned on his face, and he shifted in his chair.

"Since when?"

"I get the feeling it's been sitting in the back of my mind for a while now, but… This morning it just hit me. I didn't say anything because I figured I just didn't get enough sleep last night…"

He smirked.

"… but it hasn't gone away"

"What's this feeling telling you?" he asked, not sure he wanted her answer.

"That something's gonna come back and bite me on the ass"

"SecNav?"

"No, Jethro, that would be your ass, not mine. No, more like…" she trailed off. "Forget it, it's stupid"

"Jen"

She sighed again. "I get the feeling my little trip to the desert is not the end of the story"

Gibbs shifted very slightly in his chair, the only sign that he really didn't want to be talking about that particular adventure.

"What else is there? You got them all, and Franks has been sitting on a beach in Baja since. You're okay… wait, you are okay, aren't you?" he asked, suddenly worried she was talking about herself.

"You really need to ask me that after last night?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, alleviating the tension for a moment.

"Jen, you're gonna have to be a little more specific here. What's coming back to bite you on the ass?"

"Natasha"

Well, she always did have a way of dropping a bomb. He shifted again, and drew in breath, not sure what to say.

"She's still out there Jethro, and I have the feeling she knows exactly what went down in that diner. It's been months, she's got dozens of contacts, she could easily get into the country, and she got to be pissed as hell that you and I are still breathing… Jethro, I have this God-awful feeling that she's here, and she'll be wanting her own"

"Jen, it's been months. She knows where you are, why wait until now?"

"Because I've been under lock and key since I got back- everyone, you included I might point out, have been paranoid that I might drop down dead any moment, or run off the reservation. She hasn't had a chance. Plus, I've been at your place while not at work, so she might not have been able to find me until recently. Whatever the reason, Jethro, it doesn't matter. Fact is, if she's in town, I am first in her sights. And I don't need to remind you who would be second" she finished, giving him a pointed look.

He sighed again, and leaded forward, rubbing his face with his hands, thinking. He was clearly worried, or never would have showed so much.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"Me?" he asked suddenly, looking up sharply, pretending to be angry.

"Yes, Jethro, you. You stepped in front of a bullet for me once; I know you'll go all John McLain on me if you have to"

"Since when did you take over DiNozzo's trade?"

"Since he reminded me so much of you I forgot which was which" she shot back. "Jethro, don't deny it" she said softer. "I know you"

"You've said that before"

"And I'll say it again"

They stared at each other for a moment, thinking about the implications of Natasha coming back. Hell hath no fury like a hit-woman screwed over.

"You stay with me when you're not here" said Gibbs finally, breaking the silence.

"I already do"

"Then you stay out of this", he said, pointing a finger at her. "We do not need a repeat performance"

"Jethro, there is no denying that I'm the reason we're even having this conversation" she retorted, never one to be babied. "She'll be coming after me, and no amount of bubble-wrap is going to stop her"

He gave a look that asked how she could be so sure.

"I know what I'd do if I were in her position" said Jenny, softer than before, looking right into his eyes. "She won't stop"

And they both knew that was true. Her obsession with La Grenouille nearly destroyed her, her ability to obsess over something becoming quite obvious in her infrequent outbursts directed at him. There was no telling what Natasha might have up her sleave, and she'd had years to plan her revenge, with no obligation to the law to hinder her.

What scared Gibbs more was that he himself had been having a bad feeling for several days, and now that Jenny was too- a woman who thrived on logical reasoning- worried him more than he would ever admit. He had made the mistake of not being there the first and second times… he was going to stop this and keep her safe… one way or another.

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I'm writing the next chapter now… should I bother??


	10. Names

This chapter is for elflordmistress… for your kind words and enthusiastic encouragement. Thank you.

This chapter is split into two.

As always, review and enjoy…

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_The woman stood in the doorway, pointing her gun. Her gaze was as cold as steel. _

_Another stood in the study, gun in hand, limp, and a drink in the other. Her gaze was full of tears._

_The man stood between them, head down, hands empty, waiting. _

_There was a shot. A thump. A clang. A sob. _

_There was silence._

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Gibbs and Jenny had talked, and he had discovered that she had once again been keeping secrets. He had found the files when he had gone looking for a file in her office. He knew it was prying, and she was still Director at work, but he had done it anyway, just to annoy her a little. What he found was a file containing information from years ago, plus some recent additions. He had taken it, knowing he had to confront her that night.

Though they had talked about the motivation behind the diner incident months ago, Gibbs had assumed Jenny called their beloved assassin 'Natasha' just to be funny- a code name between them… or perhaps companion to Boris. It only just hit him that the name was not a term of endearment or a kooky nick-name. It was the name that she now carried.

Natasha.

Gibbs knew what he had to do, and he didn't like it one bit. He had to stop Natasha… Svetlana really… and to do so would put either Jenny or him in danger. Neither was an option. He would die for Jenny, but he wasn't just going to hand his own head on a platter without a damn good plan.

The problem was any good plan required back-up. And back-up would require intimate knowledge of the target. Well, guess who had that?

He was frustrated beyond belief when Jenny finally came home that night. He was waiting at the kitchen table, and watched as she sighed, dropped her coat and briefcase and turned to greet him with a tired smile.

Her smile faltered.

"You found it?"

"Found what?"

"Don't give me that. The file?"

"I did"

She nodded, accepting that she was busted and preparing herself for a dressing down.

"I'm going to need your help?"

"What?"

She couldn't help but show her shock.

"I believe that she's here Jen… I can't get her alone"

"You're going to let me help?"

He nodded. "You were my partner for years- you're good. I need someone I can trust for this"

She nodded and took a seat opposite him at the table.

"You have a plan in mind?"

He nodded…

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Part 2 to come….

LOOK! A CLIFF-HANGER!!!!!! Mwahahahaha *Mr. Burn's fingers


	11. Showdown

The continuation… Not much of a cliff-hanger if I didn't make you wait a long time, is it? :P

Part 2…

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_The woman stood in the doorway, pointing her gun. Her gaze was as cold as steel. _

_Another stood in the study, gun in hand, limp, and a drink in the other. Her gaze was full of tears._

_The man stood between them, head down, hands empty, waiting. _

_There was a shot. A thump. A clang. A sob. _

_There was silence._

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"Svetlana" he greeted.

"Natasha… my name is Natasha"

"Not today it's not"

She was here to avenge a lost love from years ago- today she was not the woman she had become, she was the woman she was… Anatoly's lover. But Gibbs didn't yet know that.

Somewhere across town Jenny waited. And waited. It was eighteen minutes from Gibbs' house to her townhouse, driving the speed limit the whole way. He had left twenty-one minutes earlier. He'd been at the house only three minutes by her calculation. Her eyes hadn't left the clock.

She had to wait just one more minute. They had to time it perfectly. She had to give him twenty-four minutes to get in and get the confession. She had to trust him to time it perfectly. She needed the gun to be pointing… she needed the voices to be raised. But she couldn't wait longer- he'd be dead.

It all rested on his ability to read people- his ability to steer a conversation where he needed.

And the hope that Svetlana had followed the bait. One phone call and a man's infamous gut- these were the keystones to their whole plan.

She had never been so scared in her life.

Back in the study, Gibbs just stood there, hands empty, arms by his side. Svetlana turned from her place next to the liquor cabinet.

"You killed my men" she said.

"Not me" he said, shaking his head casually.

"She? Not alone" she said forcefully, shaking her head. "I sent five men after her, and none survived. She couldn't kill little old me…"

"She's not the same woman she was back then" he replied, his voice steady.

"Clearly"

Svetlana turned back to the bourbon and continued to turn 360 until she was once again facing him. "It was you? You killed Anatoly" He voice broke at his name.

"What was he to you?" he asked, brow furrowed. He had to give Jenny time- had to stall. The plan rested on stalling Svetlana as long as possible.

"Everything" she answered, her façade finally slipping as a tear made a track down her cheek.

"He was everything to me" she repeated, her hand with the gun gesturing slightly, her fluttering eyes and limp wrist revealing how long she had been waiting with just the bourbon for company. She looked down and away, resting her glass against the cabinet and looking into the mirror behind it.

"Have you ever lost someone, Agent Gibbs?"

He nodded once. "I have"

"Who?"

"Someone I loved very much… a long time ago"

"And who were they to you?"

Finally meeting her gaze in the glass, he knew that she would end this here, no matter who the casualties were. It was a look that he knew all too well- a look that greeted him in the mirror far too many times to count.

"They were everything to me" he finally answered.

"And when they died… did you find your revenge?"

He waited, and she stared.

"I did"

"Then you know why I am here"

He nodded once, though she kept talking.

"I am here, not for myself… not because you almost killed me… not because you killed my men. I am here, because a long time ago you took something from me, and you know that now, I must even the score, so that I can once again sleep, knowing I did all I could…"

"I know"

"Your phone call said there would be two of you here. Where is she?"

"Coming"

"From your house?"

Gibbs nodded, and covered his surprise well. He didn't know her Intel went that far- to know that Jenny had been at his house after all.

"I have been waiting so long for this… do not be surprised I knew where you were. I was intrigued when _you _called _me_"

"Why?'

He had been here twenty-one minutes.

"It was ironic" continued Svetlana, not hearing him, once again facing the cabinet. "I was going to come for you tomorrow… then you call, and I cannot resist"

"Pick us off separately?"

"No. Together. In the dead of night. At your house. You do not lock your door" she said, almost sounding like an amused and disapproving parent. "But having you come to me does give a greater advantage… time to plan. This house has not been lived in for some time. Shame. It's beautiful"

Natasha turned and looked up, and though he could see no reflection, the look in her eyes told him there was someone behind him. Jenny. She was two minutes early.

Jenny's gaze was cold, calculating. Gibbs turned slowly and carefully; though he didn't need to- he had no weapon. He met her eyes, and it took his breath away that they were so empty- so emotionless.

Then a flick, a twitch. If he didn't know her he wouldn't have seen it. But he did know her, and he did see it, and he knew that it was taking all her willpower to maintain her façade. She was scared. She was scared plenty.

"Hello Svetlana" she said, voice level and cool.

"Long time… Jenny, is it? Hmm. To have a name and face together… you have not changed since then, you know"

Jenny stayed silent.

"You have come to kill me? And here I thought we were just going to talk"

She turned to Gibbs.

"Clever, using Viggo's phone to call me. Your idea?"

Both Jen and Gibbs could tell that she was becoming more disconnected by the minute, the booze going to her head, along with the realisation that they had set her up- that there was no point putting up a fight. Her tone started to shift, becoming aggressive and angry. This was the tone they wanted, but they hadn't prepared for the foggy head.

"I have waited all this time for my revenge, only to be outsmarted. I have worked for years to track you down, only to have you survive. I have finally got you cornered, after months of tracking you once again, and I realise I am trapped in my own web. But mark me, I will not go down without fighting…"

More tears slipped from her eyes as they met Jenny's firmly. Her grief had only amplified her drunken state. Gibbs looked away.

"Now my only question is, who do I want to suffer more? You… or him?"

And with that her hand twitched as she raised her gun at Gibbs faster than either thought possible.

There was a shot.

There was a thump.

There was a sob.

There was silence…

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Another cliff-hanger????? No, not really… you know me- I'm a romantic… though I did write that really sad story- two, now I think about it- that made people cry.

Oh, gosh, now I've got you all confused…

*evil grin*


	12. Boxes and Bodies

Again, I couldn't' hold it in… on with the show, I say!

A long chapter for you all…

As always, mistakes are my own, and please review…

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_There was silence…_

Jenny blinked once, and immediately felt her body move as years of ingrained training took over. Ignoring the slumped body at her feet she went straight to Svetlana, taking the gun from her death-grip and throwing it to the other side of the room, safety flicked on out of habit. There was no need to check for a pulse- she knew her shot had killed her.

Jenny took a moment to look at the woman on the floor. The glass she had been holding had dropped onto the floorboards, clanging without breaking and spilling the few remaining dregs of alcohol it held. Her eyes were open. Her skin was still as warm as life.

But it was the noise that rang in Jenny's ears that got to her. The moment before she had pulled the trigger, Svetlana had let out one final sob- a testament that she knew what was coming. She knew she would not survive. The sound of defeat.

Then Jenny snapped back to the present.

The gun.

The shot.

Svetlana had also fired. The two sounds had melded into one, fired simultaneously.

And with that thought, Jenny spun around and dropped to the floor where Gibbs was sprawled on his side. He hadn't moved, and in the back of her mind Jenny replayed the moment when he was hit, the image of him hitting the ground like a rag doll ingrained. She immediately looked for any blood, and found it on the sleave of his jacket. She rolled him onto his back to check for more wounds, panic trying to take a hold of her.

He groaned at the movement. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Jen" he mumbled.

Good. Talking was good.

"Jethro, can you hear me? Jethro, if you can hear me squeeze my hand"

There was a beat of silence.

"I don't need to squeeze your hand… I need to get off this damn floor"

She almost laughed. He groaned again, and she realised he was still in pain.

Ignoring his request to sit she looked at the wound in his arm. Though-and-though, only soft tissue. It should heal fine. What worried her more was the fact that the angle at which it went in meant his chest should also have been hit.

Jenny immediately started looking over his chest, searching for any sign that he might stop breathing. Then she felt it… the unmistakable bulge that she knew all too well. And her hands ripped up his shirt, ignoring the hiss of pain from him. The vest. He had worn it after all. After the huge argument over whether or not he should wear it, he did.

She grinned, pulling the flattened round off the blue fabric, holding it in her open palm. They had parted on grumpy ground, having fought for at least five minutes over whether the vest was needed. She had advocated for its use, insisting that it was better to be safe than sorry. He had argued that if Svetlana were going to kill him it would be in the head, not the chest, so wearing it would only be an inconvenience. He had stormed out without the vest, throwing one last look over his shoulder, which told her to stick to their plan.

It never occurred to her that the vest was in the car anyway.

She looked at his face and saw that he was looking at her with what could only be love and immense gratitude. And something else… a memory of a lost friend. She held up the small round trophy, both assuring him and rubbing it in his face. He smiled.

"Okay. You win. Some of your ideas are actually worth listening to"

"I'll hold you to that" she said cheekily, and he rolled his eyes, thinking of all the different ways that would come back and bite his ass.

"While you're gloating, you wanna help me up?"

She went to his other side and helped him get up, ignoring the hiss of pain. Yes, there would be no Pilates for Gibbs tomorrow. He held his arm to his side, protecting both the wound and the ribs.

"They cracked?"

"I think one is"

He shifted.

"Maybe two"

She nodded, and allowed him to take his own weight without untangling herself from under his arm. The both looked at the woman on the ground before turning and walking out of the study.

"Here, sit" she said, gesturing to the staircase. As he sat she pulled out a knife from her ankle- an action that made Gibbs grin- and, without warning, opened his jacket, cutting a strip from the bottom of his shirt.

"Hey" he said indignantly, not expecting her to be so… confronting.

She looked at him primly. "Your blood, your shirt. That's the rule"

"Not my rule" he said, still feigning outrage.

"Nope. My rule"

He huffed. "Since when did you get so bossy?"

"Since I'm the boss"

Despite her tone, she pulled down his sleave gently, revealing the open wound. Flinching slightly, she tied the makeshift bandage around it, giving it a lingering touch when she was done. Her eyes remained focussed on the wound for a moment; her head tilted endearingly to the side, before she lifted her gave to his. He gave a small smile, placing his good hand to the juncture between her neck and her shoulder. Her hand came up to rest on his forearm as she leaned into his touch before raising herself to his level and kissing him. His hand moved to the back of her neck while one of hers cupped his face gently.

They broke away, and came back to the present.

Reality hit them as they realised there was a dead hit-woman in her study and an injured Gibbs (of all people) in her entrance hall. Gibbs had already figured out what he would do, but this was her house, and he had to make sure she was okay with it.

"Jen…"

She turned to him.

"You want to burn it" she said, more of a statement than a question.

He nodded. "We don't have to"

"Yes we do. We both know that's the only way"

He just looked at her as she looked around the place she had called home since she was a little girl. Tears came to her eyes. She was rights- it was the only way. They knew better than most that bodies dropped in the river or buried in the backyard are eventually found… that was a risk they couldn't take.

"Just let me grab a few things" she said.

"Take all the time you need"

She proceeded upstairs, her hand running the banister. She went straight to her room, and took out a duffel bag from the cupboard. Going through her wardrobe she took out the clothes that were left, having not been transferred to Gibbs' place. Next she went to her bathroom, checking to make sure there was nothing of importance. Lastly, she made her way over to her jewellery box, and without looking she picked it up along with a framed picture and placed it on top of her other belongings, zipping up the bag.

The jewellery box was the most important, holding the things most dear to her- her mother's rings; her father's pocket watch; her childhood locket, a picture of each inside. And a necklace, given to her years ago by a lover, under a sparkling tower.

Gibbs watched as she came out of her room and placed the bag on the floor of the hall. She disappeared into the spare room- the one that had been hers as a child before she had become the master of the house. Re-emerging she carried only two things- a large box and a beautiful china doll dressed in silk petticoats with a painted face. Later he would see that the small tag on her arm read 'Jenny'.

Seeing his gaze on both items as she descended the stairs with the suitcase in hand, Jenny felt the need to explain the box.

"Photos. Those that aren't in frames. Mostly of my parents, things we did when I was younger. There are some of us in there as well"

He nodded, offering to take the loose items, ever the gentleman. She gave them carefully, aware that he was only working with one arm. Jenny stopped at the door, pausing to look around the place one more time before she walked out the door to the car. They only had one- she'd taken a cab. That was why she'd been early, he realised.

She sat in the front seat after placing the bag in the back along with the box and the doll. Gibbs got the message loud and clear- she wasn't going in there to help him burn her house to the ground.

Gibbs gave her one last glance before going back inside, re-emerging several minutes later, having obviously staged a scene and lit the initial flame.

As he got into the passenger seat he passed her something- her fathers cigar box that had been locked in the first draw of his desk. He must have gone through the study, to make sure there was nothing she had missed or might have wanted. Though she had taken all her favourite books to Gibbs' house months ago, when she was housebound, she hadn't cleared out the rest. This was the only thing she wanted, and he must have opened it to know it's importance- inside were her father's few precious things. She shifted the items around slowly, knowing the box's every contents- his wedding ring, their wedding photo, his medals and dog tags, a single cigar, his favourite fountain pen, his passport, Jenny's original birth certificate and a single photo of the three of them when she was only hours old.

A tear slipped from her eye. The summation of an entire life laid in this box- though his house had his echo, this one small vessel held everything she loved about him. She closed it with reverence and silently started the car, pulling it into drive. She felt his hand rest over hers on the gear stick, and she turned it over, entwining their fingers and placing it on her lap, never looking away form the road. What was done was done, as her mother would say.

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Gibbs watched the road silently, recognising the route she was taking. Within minutes she had pulled up at Ducky's house. There was a light still on, and both checked the dashboard clock, seeing it was not yet midnight.

They walked up to the door and knocked. Immediately there was shuffling inside, and the door open revealing Ducky in a long dressing gown and slippers.

Jenny smiled at the sight, glad to see nothing much changed.

"Gibbs, Director… something wrong?" he asked with his usual buoyant tone.

Though they were not particularly morose in their appearance, the slight hesitation confirmed Ducky's suspicion long before the sight of the bullet hole did.

"Jethro, how many times have I told you to stop playing with guns" he said, cutting the thread he used for stitching the wound.

"There you are- that should do it. Just try not to rip them, or you'll have to go to autopsy for a touch-up" He paused for a beat while Gibbs rolled his eyes and Jenny smirked at him. "Here… I'll give you some anti-biotic to stave off infection, and you should be right as rain. The ribs though… can't do much for those I'm afraid, except wrap them. You know how it goes"

"Thank you Ducky" said Jenny.

"Your most welcome. Though I must say, your story does nothing for my nerves. Are you sure it's over?"

Gibbs gingerly rolled his sleave back down.

"Yeah. It's over" he said. "Without Svetlana there's no link back to us"

"And the body?" asked Ducky, knowing the business and not liking it one bit.

"It will look like a robbery gone bad. Faulty gas pipes, a drunken thief. The only accelerants detected will be the liquor from the study. Even if they do find body remains, they won't go further. Open and shut"

Ducky nodded, and sat at the table, once again picking up his tea.

"Well, I'm just glad this business is all sorted and neither of you were hurt"

"As am I" said Jenny.

"And how are you my dear?" he asked, having focussed on Gibbs for the moment.

"Wishing I hadn't screwed up in the first place"

"We can't change the past" said Ducky, patting her knee.

"I know" she said, giving a reassuring smile. She sighed. "I'm gonna miss that house though"

"We could always rebuild it" said Gibbs from the sink, his back to them. Ducky gave a small laugh at his friends' optimism.

Jenny looked up at him with shock. "Building a boat it one thing, it's quite another to build a house"

He shrugged. "Not really the whole house- it was brick after all. Just the inside bits"

She looked at him, mouth open, eyes wide. Ducky looked between them, grinning at their interaction.

"Hey, I didn't just _know_ how to make a boat… I could learn how to make a staircase if I needed"

"Jethro, it takes you months to finish a boat and you spend every waking moment on that thing" She ignored a pointed look he gave her. "How long do you think a _house_ is gonna take?"

He shrugged again. "As long as it takes"

She knew what he meant- he didn't care if it took him the rest of his life… he would finish that house. He knew she understood what he was saying, so he took her eye-roll and dismissive hand wave with a grain of salt, catching the brief look of love and gratitude she gave before her look turned to complete mirth.

"Whatever" she muttered.

"Whatever" he mimicked, his voice going high and his face contorting into the most twisted look he could form. She gave him the finger over her shoulder as she turned and once again thanked Ducky who was in silent laughter.

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Okay, okay… so I am a sap at heart… so sue me… or, you know, don't… 'cause I have no money anyway…

Like? Shall I continue? I suppose I have a few ideas as to where it could go, but they'd all be in one-shot form, sought of like the earlier chapters- more flashes and moments 'in the life of', type thing…

Drop us a line…


	13. Enough

I didn't quite know how to launch off that last chapter, so this one is sought of just a stand-alone type one… a little more contained and subtle, fluffy underneath, but I figure that's what their relationship is like.

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Jenny was pissed. Actually, pissed doesn't quite cover it… ready to shove a nuclear warhead up his ass while she ripped his nails off with pliers and set the fire ants loose was much closer to her current state of mind. Not only was he causing her headaches at work with his pissing matches against the entire alphabet of American Intelligence, he had once again left the cap off the toothpaste and, to top it off, had been working so late the last week the only time she had spoken to him had been when she had once again nailed his ass for misbehaving.

Suffice it to say, when she got home that night Jenny was in no mood for anything except a nice deep sleep. Which meant when she saw the entire front porch swimming in lumber and power tools, she was well and truly ready to rip him a new one.

But, as is often the case with these two hot-headed individuals, the mood dial did a quick one-eighty when Jenny spotted the plans for those pieces of wood on the kitchen table- One solid, dark mahogany wood staircase with detailed finish, complete with deep red runner. Her staircase.

She rolled her eyes at the cheesy thought, while at the same time felt all gooey inside that he was actually going through with the building despite his heavy schedule.

Damn that man, she thought, both grinning and smirking.

"Jen, that you?" she heard from the basement.

She wandered to the door and stood at the top step for a moment before walking downstairs. Without a word he poured her a drink of bourbon, handed it to her and continued working on his boat. She smirked at him, trying not to be angry for his behaviour all week while finding his innocent expression incredibly endearing. Without a word she sat on the stool behind him, hoping that he wouldn't turn around and see her smile.

"It'll be outta here tomorrow- I just didn't have time to take it over to the townhouse" he said, obviously having picked up on her mood, even with his back turned.

"They didn't deliver it straight there?" she asked, as though wood had been delivered a million times before to the townhouse, which it hadn't.

"No, I picked it up, but I figured I'd wait 'till morning… come home early"

And Jenny knew that was as close to an apology as she was going to get.

She got up and placed a hand on his back as she leaned her other arm against the side of the boat.

"I'm glad"

They stayed that way for a beat, before she pulled herself upright, downed the last mouthful of bourbon and headed for the stairs.

"I'm beat" she said.

Though she didn't expect it, she heard him start to pack up tools behind her, and a moment later he had joined her on the stairs. She stopped near the top and looked back at him, smirking, questioning.

He shrugged. "Tired. It can wait"

Again, Jenny saw his gesture as a peace offering, and she gladly accepted it. It wasn't like she was Mother Teresa herself.

She went to the bathroom while he got straight in bed, and when she came out again he was already asleep under the covers. Silently, trying not to disturb him, she pulled the covers back and slid under, pleasantly surprised when his lifted his arm and pulled her to his side, allowing her to rest in the crook of his shoulder. Obviously he wasn't as asleep as she thought. She rested her hand on his chest, absentmindedly straightening the fabric of his old tee shirt where her fingers rested.

Jenny knew their relationship was a fine balancing act, a test for the both of them. On the one hand they were both incredibly stubborn, and though it came through in different ways, it was an equal title. Yet on the other, she loved him for it, particularly given his obstinacy usually came out in the pursuit of the bad guy or in defence of the weak. He was damaged, yes, but his wounding life experiences helped him when it came to dealing with her bitchiness. She suspected it had something to do with his desire to never again take anything for granted, good or bad. It brought her close to tears just thinking about what he had gone through in his life- losing his mother so young, losing his wife and daughter in a tragic set of circumstances, trying his whole life to find a way to live through that pain, having herself come back after breaking his heart… There were a great many things that shaped the man beside her now. Jenny was only sad that she would never know the whole picture- see all of him. There were a great many sides to him that Jenny knew, but there were a few she never would, and it had nothing to do with her short life expectancy.

As much as he loved her- and he surely _did _love her very much- there would always be a part of his heart she would never have, and Jenny knew she was wasting her time even asking for it. It was the part of him that had always loved Shannon, and had done from the moment he met her, and would love her until the day he died. To even consider giving that part of himself to anyone else would defile her memory and insult her very existence.

Jenny knew this, and she loved him in spite of it. He'd had the love of his life, and she now had hers. It dawned on her that were she not dying, she may very well have remained in the same category as his ex-wives- a woman hoping to own the unattainable and getting her heart broken for it. Shannon was the woman he had fallen in love with at first sight, the mother of his only child, the woman he would have grown old with. She was his one and only soul mate, and although Gibbs now loved Jenny wholeheartedly, a part of him would always be in love with Shannon.

Yet, none of this bothered Jen. Despite the fact she loved him more than he would ever love her, she wanted nothing more than to wake up wrapped in his arms for the rest of her life.

Shannon was his one true love, and he was hers, and that was enough.

He shifted in his sleep, and Jenny could tell he was uncomfortable with her lying half on top of him. Casually she turned, freeing his arm, and stayed a while listening to his breathing in and out.

Just having him love her as much as he could was a compromise Jenny was willing to make, and the thought that he wasn't going anywhere was enough to put her in a better mood.


	14. True Colours

**Long A/N: **I've been watching stuff with Gibbs and Hollis Mann, just to see what he's like in a more recent relationship, because although I love the flashbacks, they don't give a lot. Maybe it changes my writing, maybe not. I don't think so…

I wasn't totally happy with the way the last chapter fits in the story, in terms of how it portrays their relationship, so I've updated quickly so that it's all clarified, and I thought I'd put a little authors note here letting everyone know that it was totally from Jenny's POV, not necessarily an accurate assessment of the relationship. That wasn't as clear as it could have been, so apologies.

A special thanks to Ellie for letting me bounce ideas, and for the great insights, particularly your feedback on the last chapter (which confirmed my aforementioned suspicions about the portrayal of the relationship).

As always, thanks to those who review, and for those who don't but are still reading, hope you're enjoying the story. Mistakes are always my own… enjoy!

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Gibbs was getting worried about Jenny. Although she had clearly forgiven him for his behaviour the week before, since then she'd been uncharacteristically distant, and he was worried she wasn't telling him something. That thought scared him. The last time she'd stayed quiet she'd almost been killed. The time before that she'd covered up her homicidal tendencies with bravado and nonchalance.

Jenny being distant was bad. Jenny staying distant from Gibbs of all people was cruising for disaster.

Great, he thought. Just what I need.

The biggest problem in their relationship, he realised, was that unlike the rest of the female population he'd encountered, Jenny did not spill her guts while mister man sat there with earplugs. Truth be told, while the long monologues about his short comings were annoying, at least he'd know what was going through his ex-wife's head. Instead, getting Jenny to open up was like pulling teeth. Which was no problem if you were one of those new-age guys who didn't mind initiating a D&M talk once in a while. The problem was Gibbs also didn't like to talk about his feelings, instead choosing to use silence to communicate and his gut to gage the mood. In this case, the only thing his gut was good for was indigestion, as he wracked his brain for a reason behind her mood.

In control at work?

As always.

Toothpaste cap on?

Check.

Time of month?

Bit hard when you don't have a uterus.

No, there was something else, and since she hadn't been shaking any more or any less than usual (something he thanked God for every day), he had to assume her over-active brain was fabricating all types of problems that didn't need to be there.

Great. His enemy was the internal voice of his lover. Just perfect.

What did I do to deserve this?

Of course, Jenny's inability to admit defeat in any way, shape or form, meant Gibbs had to be the bigger man if her wanted to figure out what was going through her head at the moment.

Oh, he was _really _looking forward to this conversation.

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He watched her walk through the door late, pulling her scarf from around her neck and dropping her bag on the hallstand. She walked over to him, leaning over the back of the couch to greet him with a kiss.

"Hey" she sighed.

Wordlessly he handed her a tea, having called as she was leaving the office and being informed she would be home shortly.

"Long day?"

"God, don't talk to me about long days" she replied, slumping into the cushion next to him. "I am so over fighting with Metro cops. Can't they just admit that we're above them and move on?"

"Never"

"Well, they sure would make my life easier if they could"

"Hey, at least it's not me this time"

"Oh, well that's true" she said, leaning into his shoulder. She looked at the T.V for a moment.

"What on _earth _are you watching?"

"Antiques Roadshow"

"This time of night?"

"Apparently"

"It's not Tivo is it?" she asked with a smirk.

"What's Tivo?"

"Never mind" she chuckled. Apparently it had not been his idea to install the box, and it had never occurred to him to remove it. Jenny stored that knowledge, thinking of how many chick flicks she could fit on the machine given he didn't use it.

"So, what up?" he asked. Though he went for a casual tone, the fact he was even asking set Jenny on edge. She'd been hoping her mood had gone unnoticed, but apparently not.

"What do you mean?" she asked warily.

"Jenny, you've been off all week. I know last week wasn't great, but now…"

"Jethro, I'm fine" she said dismissively.

"Jen"

And once again, just the way he said her name spoke volumes.

"Don't you 'Jen' me. I told you, I'm fine. I'm just tired"

"I don't think so"

"Think what you like" she said without malice, pushing herself up and walking into the kitchen.

Gibbs all but groaned in frustration. He'd forgotten- she didn't just stay quiet. She avoided D&M like the plague.

Fantastic.

He followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe, waiting until she'd pulled her head out of the fridge before confronting her again.

"Jen, there's no avoiding it"

Finally she admitted defeat and put down the yoghurt tub.

"Okay. Fine. Go on"

She gave an obnoxious hand gesture for good measure.

"I just want you to talk to me. You're distant, and I wanna know why"

"Says you, of all people"

He just stared her down, waiting.

She sighed. A good sign- she was going to open up. A bad sign- she was gonna open up big.

"Jethro, it's nothing, it's…"

"Jen" he said quietly, approaching her. He placed his hands on her upper arms. "Talk to me"

She looked up at him, and they searched each other for a moment.

"Are you unhappy?"

"No" She smiled and placed her hands on his chest. "I'm very happy"

"But you're worried about something"

"Not so much worried…"

"Jen"

Okay, he was losing his patience.

"I was just thinking the other night, that's all"

"About me?"

"Yes and no. About you… and others"

"You were thinking about me and my ex-wives?" he asked incredulously.

"Just one"

And he understood. He took a deep breath in and she ducked her head, waiting for his next comment.

"What about them… her?"

He almost flinched at opening up this line of conversation, but he needed to know why Jenny was so affected by it.

"It's just… you never talk about her, and I'm not expecting big speeches, but Jethro, she was a _huge_ part of your life. Kelly too. They were your _family_" she said softer, treading lightly.

"And you think I'm avoid them?"

"No" (really she meant yes) "I just think…"

"Jen… they _were_ a huge part of my life. For a long time. But they're gone"

Jenny heard his voice shift at the last word, and her heart broke for him.

"Shannon… there'll always be a part of me that will love her, and miss her… miss how things might have been with her and Kelly. And yes, my life would have been so different, much less…"

"Complicated?" she offered.

He nodded. He could tell his honesty was welcomed by Jenny, instead of rejected, and for that he was grateful.

"But she's gone. They're both gone. Have been for a long time, and as much as I…" he sighed. "I learned years ago that I couldn't change it, and I accepted it- I moved on. Shannon's not here…" he started, lifting her chin and looking straight in her eyes. "And you are _not_ her replacement"

He held her eyes, willing her to understand that his love for her was not his way of bidding his time, waiting to rejoin his family someday. He loved her for who she was, not who she wasn't or who she was trying to be. She was only ever Jenny, and he fell in love with the woman before him so suddenly and unexpectedly that it took him years to understand how he could have space in his heart for all three of them.

"I am in love with you," he said slowly and deliberately "I've loved you for years, and will love you until the day I die. Don't ever doubt that"

She blinked once to clear her vision, half nodding, and kissed him suddenly, overcome with emotion. The kiss was relatively chaste, but she was so relieved it was the only way to thank him. She was content to not have his whole heart- happy with the way things were… but to know he loved her completely, to know she was mistaken… it was such a load of her mind.

"I love you, Jen" he muttered again into her hair, pulling her against him to wrap his arms around her. "So much"

Though there had been times when he missed his family beyond belief, he knew Shannon would have accepted his choices and would have been happy for him to move on. The hole in his heart had healed enough for him to love Jenny as much as he had loved her, and to not feel guilty for it. The pain he felt now was saved for his daughter; his baby; the child he had created who had been ripped from him too soon. No parent should have to bury their child, and his heartache only crept up when he started to remember the future she would never have. Lately he had come to accept that the only way he could deal with the loss was to remember her as his smiling, happy little girl, who loved Strawberry Shortcake and for whom he would line up for hours just to get her a teddy bear. She would be forever young and innocent. That was how he dealt with the pain of his past.

Jenny pulled back and kissed him again, smiling wide for the first time in weeks. He made a note to himself- do everything possible to see that smile more often.

"I love you," she said, clearly just enjoying being able to say it. She smiled again, and moved her hands over his chest before stepping away to finish her forgotten yoghurt. He gave his trademark half grin, half smirk to her back.

"Sure that was all?" he asked lightly.

"Well, if you're feeling generous, there's a rattle in the pipes in the back bathroom you might like to look at"

He grinned openly and left the room, no doubt to work some more on his boat.

Situation: Normal

Threat: Minimal

Crisis: Averted

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Hopefully that clarified their relationship a bit. I've been meaning to work in stuff about his family for a while, but the plot didn't really allow for it until now… After all, jenny seemed pretty miffed that he didn't tell her… which got me thinking about how she would feel about her position in his life…

Anyway, read and review- I love all feedback! :D


	15. Reason Says Ignorance Is The Answer

For lack of inspiration, I was content to let that be the end of this story… but since inspiration creeps up now and then, I have decided to continue. So, in celebration of finishing my high school exams forever (that's right, I am now officially a high school _graduate_), I thought I'd write another chapter. Updates from here on in will be much more one-shot format, and won't be all that frequent.

This was inspired by the song "Life Support" from the soundtrack of RENT. I don't own the rights to Rent- though I do own the soundtrack and the movie… Some of the lyrics have been included, just so you know what's going on if you haven't heard the song. Also, I have very little personal experience with muscular-degenerative diseases, so if anyone reads anything about the condition that isn't accurate, please let me know. I've tried to look up as much info as possible, but I can only know so much from a computer screen.

As always, I love feedback, and enjoy.

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**Two years later…**

Gibbs watched, helpless, as Jenny winced while walking through the front door. She was having a bad day, and he had noticed the moment he had walked into the office. She had been standing at the top of the catwalk, and when he had proceeded up the stairs to greet her, she had smiled weakly and not moved. That was his first clue.

Then, when he had escorted her back to her office, instead of sitting, she chose to stand and walk stiffly around the room. That was his second clue.

Now, she walked through the door with a grimace, and could barely bend to place her bag on the hallstand.

Despite her attempts to hide her state, or her pride, which refused to accept help, he walked over to her and helped her out of her coat, hanging it in the cupboard for her. She didn't protest. When he turned back to her, he just watched her for a moment, and she held his gaze. In these moments they could have whole conversations in just a look. She looked tired, but stiff. She didn't try to hide the annoyance from him, nor did she dismiss the hint of fear in her gaze or in his.

Lately, days like these were becoming more and more frequent.

Despite her intense physical therapy, which she had increased in recent months, and her attention to detail with regards to her whole life-style, there was no denying it. Her illness was slowly but surely catching up with them.

The revelation frightened them both. Ducky had said she had four good years left, maybe five with luck and a little extra care. Almost three had passed already since that conversation. They were running out of time.

Jenny sighed, and wrapped her arms around his waist, as his immediately enveloped her in a tight hug. He hated that there was nothing he could do to help her. He hated that she was in pain and he couldn't blame anyone- not even himself this time. Sometimes he even hated that he loved her and she loved him. This would be so much easier to deal with if he didn't care so damn much.

"You okay?" he asked, tilting his head towards her ear without releasing his hold.

She hummed with contentment. "Better now"

"Today?"

She gave a nonchalant shrug. "Bad… not the worst, but not too good either"

He nodded. He knew that already.

"You hungry?"

"You cooked?" she asked with a knowing smirk and a raise of the eyebrow.

"Take-out"

She chuckled. "You could have had that lasagna that Noemi cooked. It's only a day old"

"Nah. I thought I'd leave that for you"

"You didn't have to"

"Did you have lunch?" he asked, as she pulled away and walked over to the kitchen.

She should have been surprised by the apparent change in conversation, but she wasn't. That was just the next question in his ever-working thought process. It was scary just how used to it she was.

"I had a couple of bits of fruit. SecNav needed an update on the Bowman case, and it ran a little over-time"

Gibbs gave a minuscule frown, but it was almost too small to be noticed. The Secretary of the Navy was a busy and important man, and no matter how high on the ladder Jen may be, he wouldn't have just 'run overtime' in a video meeting. Gibbs let the comment slide for the moment, storing it in his mind for later.

"Then the lasagna's yours. You need to eat"

She gave a little groan, very unlike the Jenny he saw at work, and gave a petulant shrug of her shoulder.

"I don't want to eat anything too big just before bed, you know how much I hate sleeping on a full stomach" she whined. Gibbs grinned. Since reuniting romantically they had slipped back into some old habits lost long ago- acting like children was one of them. Having romantic dinners before bed was another. With the grin plastered on his face he walked up to her and gently took hold of her upper arms.

"Jen, you have to eat something decent. I saw how much you didn't eat for breakfast"

He gave her a pointed look without losing the gaiety of the moment. She maintained the pout and playfully scuffed her foot on the ground, hanging her head, as she went to the fridge and pulled out the container with the lasagna in it. She half threw it into the microwave and pushed the buttons with more force than was necessary, throwing a dirty look in his direction for good measure. He rolled his eyes at her antics.

This was how they got by day to day, particularly on day like this one. Quirky, goofy humour always seemed to keep them in good spirits, even if she could barely get up the stairs, or he had to rub her legs for hours to relieve the cramping. It was their coping mechanism, just like Tony's childish ways or Ziva's apparent 'steely-eyed killer' persona.

When the microwave had beeped and Jen had made herself comfortable leaning against the bench, Gibbs finally recalled her earlier comment.

"So, what did SecNav want?"

Jen faulted in her chewing, before finishing her mouthful and meeting his gaze. She kept her tone light.

"We were discussing my future at NCIS"

Gibbs frowned, but didn't interrupt.

"I suggested that it was time to consider looking for my replacement"

"_You_ did?"

"Jethro" she sighed. "There is no point delaying the inevitable. I mean, I can barely make it up and down the stairs some days, let alone sit for hours at a desk- which, by the way, my therapist says is the _worst_ possible place for me to be all the time. I've done well, considering. I'm still mobile, and apart from a couple of exceptions, I've still been able to do everything…" she paused "…most things, by myself"

She sighed again.

"I think it's time to quit while I'm ahead. My staying would do nothing for the agency, and it's not the best thing for me either. I've indulged my ambition as long as possible, but I have _also_ learnt when enough is enough"

Gibbs sighed and diverted his gaze. He knew it had been a long time coming. The fact that Jenny had initiated the conversation with SecNav told him that she had been thinking about it for some time. He looked back up at her and found she had already gone back to eating, waiting for him to gather his thoughts. He hated that it had come this far, and that it seemed like yesterday he was finding out about her illness.

"Jen… are you sure this is what you want? The job…"

"The job has been the most important part of my life for too long. I've got where I wanted to get, and I stayed there for as long as I needed to" she lowered her tone, revealing a tenderness to it that had been hidden by her frankness. "I want to spend whatever time I've got left focusing on myself, and what _I _need, rather than competing with ghosts. And I need time with _you. _Not pouring over case files or arguing about joint jurisdictions… just you and me."

He gave a little grin. Yes, he was still a man with an ego. No, he never got sick of her affection.

"The job is _not _that important anymore. I wont let it keep us apart… _again_… not when there's no second chances left. I may have been all about the job and compartmentalizing- using reason to run my life. And it served me well in the past. But I'm _lucky_ to have got this far. I'm willing to take a hint from… God, or fate, or whatever it is that has given me this time… I'm trying to live a little differently now. Because that _reason_ said I should have died three years ago. And I'm still here. Time I start living like I'm here… while I can"

He watched her with sadness as she gave him a tender smile and went back to eating. He walked over to her, leaned again the bench next to her hip, and placed an arm around her shoulders, not hindering her ability to eat. He placed a kiss in her hair. The last few years had taught them both some valuable lessons- Jen had come to see that, while her job made her feel proud, Gibbs made her feel so unbelievably content. Gibbs had come to understand her decision to leave, and respect her more for coming back.

He squeezed her shoulder a little, rubbed her arm, and stepped away.

"You gonna go work on the boat?"

"Yeah. You need a hand?" he asked, gesturing with his head to the stairs. On a bad day she needed his help on the stairs.

"I'll finish this first, then I might come join you for a bit. I'm not feeling tired enough for bed just yet"

"Okay. You need anything…"

"I'll call" she said with a smile. He nodded and headed down to the basement.

It wasn't long before he heard footsteps on the basement stairs. Jen walked slowly, though she didn't seem in much pain. He looked up from sanding, watched her for a few steps, then turned around and picked up another sanding block and passed it to her when she came over. She took it wordlessly and continued sanding on the other side. They often worked silently together, though they didn't speak much, preferring to leave the basement as a place of sanctuary and silence. This boat was half done, the last one given to Amira as a gift. Gibbs had yet to reveal his name for this one, and Jenny really, _really_ didn't want to ask. Unfortunately, Jenny had been in meetings all day the day the other one was taken out, and had come home to find she, too, had missed the opportunity to see how Gibbs got his damn boats out of the basement. She'd sulked for days while Gibbs laughed at her every time he caught her at the top of the stairs, searching for seems in the walls.

A couple of hours later, both of them tired and definitely ready for bed, Gibbs wordlessly went over to his workbench where Jenny was sitting on a stool. Taking the screwdriver out of her hand and switching off the lamp on the bench, he grabbed her hand and pulled her up by her elbow. He liked to help her, even if she didn't necessarily need it. At each staircase- both the one out of the basement and the one to the second floor- he would walk next to her, holding her elbow with one hand while the other snaked behind her back and supported her waist. On good days the help was minimal. On bad days- days like today- she relied on his help and would lean on him to get up the stairs. Gibbs was thinking of moving their things to the downstairs bedroom to make things easier for her.

They fell asleep quickly that night, Gibbs arm around her waist, her body molding into his. Even in sleep they made the most of their time together, and the presence of another person with her at night meant Jenny's nightmares weren't nearly as scary as they had been years ago. Gibbs' nightmares, however, often woke him, and it was only the feel of his arm rising and falling with her breaths, a light snore coming from her, that allowed him to fall back asleep.

It was a delicate balancing act, this happiness they shared. Just like always, they had become masters of ignoring things- ignoring the pain, the winces, the shaking glass of water in her hand, the look of pity. But unlike before, where their ignorance had kept them apart, this ignorance kept them together. It kept the mood light, kept the smiles on their faces, kept them from having another argument about how much she needed to rest, how much he needed to back off, how much she 'didn't need him'.

How much he didn't need her.

How much it was killing him to watch her die.

How much he loved her.

Yes, the ignorance was welcomed. But by God, he wished it didn't need to be.

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As always, please R&R.


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